Reflecting

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about death and the types of death that have happened in my family. Before I lost my sister, the only other person closest to me who died was my Auntie Celing.

It makes me uncomfortable talking about it. And yet, it’s something that will eventually happen to every single person I know. Death is inevitable. That’s just it. There’s no escaping it… nobody gets to live forever. And it makes me sad (Pre-sad) knowing just that. Why did I bring a child into this world? Just so he can live then eventually die?

And this is when “older” more religious people in my life tell me to hang onto faith. Faith that there is life after… that I’ll be reunited w/ my sister and my dad. BUT I’m praying I get a lot of time with my son before that happens LOL. But needless to say… I do have these moments when I feel afraid of how that might happen or when that might happen.

I remember reading Eat, Pray, Love where Elizabeth Gilbert talks about having this sort of filter in her mind to not constantly think about death. Perhaps I need some form of meditation in my life to not constantly think about just that.

I am enjoying my time with my son… he definitely makes every day worth it. His smile, his laugh, just everything he does makes everyday just worth it. And I cannot wait to teach him more about life. I guess he is what makes that fear of death invisible most of the time.

I always say 27 was the age when that concept of death just became clearer to me. I think that prior to that, I used to think that death glorifies a person. But ultimately, it’s an end… nobody ever comes back from it.

This is probably the most uncomfortable post I have ever written about and it gives me the creeps just thinking about it.

Anyways… moving onto happier moments…. such as planning Roman’s 1st birthday 🙂